Interlude

Whilst writing the story for week one I started to tell my kids about what I was doing. As is usual with kids I had to summerise what the story was about but by doing so I got them engaged. It turned into and nightly thing, they wanted to what was happening to Peter as their bedtime story and my son (only 6) read the story as I wrote each section. 

I found it interesting to get feedback from people who I hadn't actually written the story for  and see their take on it. My wife has also read some of the story and offered some critique of it which was helpful. 

Hopefully I can continue this process and get them engaged for the next story. Perhaps that's a sign of an interesting story?

Week 1

Week 1 Story

Peter looked at his phone. Hearing a sound downstairs distracted him and he immediately forgot what time it was. Peter looked at his phone again. This time he manage to note the time was 6:13pm. His parents were due to go out any minute and so his plan could go into action a minute later. Thud, clunk tinkle. That was the all to familiar sound of the front door closing. Vroom, brrraahum. That was the sound of the car leaving the garage. A few more minutes and it would be time to go.

Standing at the back door, butterflies fluttering in his stomach, Peter listened for any sound of life outside. Thankfully, only the crickets seem to be awaiting his exit, so Peter slowly stepped out of the door and closed it gently. The silence seemed heavy on his shoulders has Peter stealthily made his way around the side of the house and up to the street. He did once last check of his essential items; wallet, phone and his hurridly constructed fake id before making a confident stride in the direction of town.

It wasn’t long before he started to worry about his schedule. Peter hadn’t really sat down to calculate how long it takes to walk into town. He’d never really had to before. Getting to town was a car trip always, certainly not walking. Wanting to reassure himself he started to do some sums in his head to see if he was going to make his destination on time but he quickly realized that he had no idea how fast he walked nor how far it was into town. He had no choice but to push on as fast as he could.

At this point, my story only has a introduction. I have introduced a character and set him on his path. What we don't have yet is a destination, motivation or any source of conflict. So far my writing style has been off the cuff stream of words but this obviously won't cut it for a well constructed story. So I am pausing here now to consider the items I've just mentioned. I need to come up with these items as ultimately they will dictate how the story unfolds but also how my character should act. The character will be much more relate-able to the readers if he acts in a way consistent with his motivations and ultimate aims or destination.  

Mild anxiety started to gnaw at Peter’s brain as all the possible failed outcomes wandered through his mind. This growing anxiety pushed him to move faster and faster, first a brisk walk, then a power walk but now finally a jog. He wasn’t really dressed for jogging and could feel himself warming up. That and the fact he hadn’t eaten were fighting against him but his resolve to carry out his plan was winning so far.

Peter’s heartbeat pounding in his head, he stopped and sighed relief as he rounded a corner and could see in the distance the shops that he was aiming for. Checking his watch with determination this time he could see that it was only 6:53pm, hardly any time and the shops would still be open for ages. He was going to make it!

Approaching the cluster of shops and their bright lights Peter started to be self conscious considering he’d been jogging for a while in jeans and a jacket he was sweaty and disheveled. Glancing sideways into a shop window he could see his dim reflection. His hair was messed up, face red and sweaty and clothes sloppily hung on his slender frame. It was the sort of look that would cause concerned strangers to ask if anything was wrong. That’s the last thing Peter wanted right now so he stopped and stared at the window whilst he tried to straighten himself up. As his breathing slowed and his pulse returned out of the stratosphere he tried to think about his next steps.

Gorgoroths Revenge had been on his mind for almost nine months since it was announced by the game studio. It was the sequel to his most favorite game, Gorgoroth's Defeat in which you play as a hero to defeat Gorgoroth a demon monster from the depths of hell. In the new game you got to battle as Gorgoroth and slay those that defeated you in the first game...only now things had changed. Whilst the first game was rated M and he managed to convince his parents that he should have it the rating system had changed since the new game was announced and now the new game would be rated R which his parents had argued meant that in no way was he going to get this game. Their words still flowed through is mind and fueled his anger, “Until you’re an adult Peter, the law says you can’t have this game.”. What a cop out. The law. He’d already played the first game, he knew the level of violence and he was fine with hit. It wasn’t like these characters had any relation to real world things.

Looking at his image in the window, Peter looked much more normal at least as normal as a teenager can. Continuing his walk towards the gaming shop, he kept a keen eye out for anyone looking his way but thankfully no one seemed to pay him much attention and that was how Peter preferred it.

The bright shop window loomed up in front of Peter as he steeled himself for the crux of his plan. Walking nonchalantly through the door, the sales droid behind the counter barely glance up at him. Nothing unusual about a teenager in a gaming shop his look said. Unless you actually wanted to buy something the droids just avoided you. Conversation with teenagers was not something they sought out.

Peter started browsing the games on the shelves as he sought out his target. It wasn’t hard to find considering the game had only just come out and was there on a big display. Rather than getting a copy straight off the display Peter walked past and continued onto the shelves looking for another game. Peter’s nerves played against him as he fought to stay calm. Not really focusing on the array of games in front of him he just picked one at random. Game in hand he walked towards the counter but stopped near the big display and kneeld down. Pretending to tie his shoe he carefully grabbed a copy of Gorgoroth's Revenge and slipped it into his bag whilst he kept a sly eye out for the sales droid. He could see them behind the counter in the corner of his eye.

Standing up, he approached the counter with trepidation, feeling nervous sweats beading on his brow. As he arrive at the counter he thrust the random game into the face of the neatly dressed sales clerk behind the counter hoping they couldn’t tell how he was feeling. The sales clerk silently took the game and passed it over the scanner, all the while giving Peter a strange look that he couldn’t fathom. It seemed to say, “I know something…”. Peter didn’t really expect the sales clerk to know anything about him so he just held out some money after being told the price.

Peter’s heart rate was now at maximum as he slowly backed away from the counter. Whilst his plan was so far on track he couldn’t help the feeling of impending doom and everything seemed to slow down as he approached the doors.

Now we have a destination and a motivation covered. We also have a looming source of conflict at this point. The next steps from here would be to expand on the conflict and then work towards resolution to round out the story. I will work on those sections next.   

Many things happened at once, too many for Peter to clearly think about them separately. The alarm going off that he hadn’t anticipated, the clerk shouting at him to stop, his pulse rate shooting through the roof and his feet being glued to the floor. None of these things helped his decision making process and his brain fell back to it’s ancient survival mode.

Run!

Run away fast. That’s all that Peter could manage to think and he started running away from the shop as fast as his scrawny legs could manage. He could hear heavy footsteps behind him and other voices shouting to stop. He was desperately trying to tune them out so he could focus on running. So focused was his mind that he didn’t notice the split milkshake that was strewn across the hard tiled floor. He didn’t have any spare thoughts to try and move around it and by the time he realized what was happening it was too late. His load bearing foot had landing square in the middle of the pink mess and begin to slide out from under him. Seconds passed as time slowed and Peter’s sense of balance disappeared. Before he had time to place a cushioning hand underneath himself, Peter’s head slammed into the smooth tiles and the blackness quickly enveloped him. 

Part 2

Unfamiliar sound filtered down to Peter, sounding distant yet close. The fuzziness in his head was slowly lifting but his vision was still blurred leaving many things to his imagination. He could only hear that there were multiple voices around him both male and female. He felt like he was lying down but it didn’t feel hard like a tiled shopping centre floor should and yet the bright light overhead reminded him of the shops.

His attention was suddenly focused has he felt something touch his hand and a shadow loom over his face. He could smell a feint aroma of perfume, with something familar about it.

“Mum?”, he croaked. It was the first words he’d spoken since buying the game, whose name he could no longer remember. How long ago was that he wondered as the touch on his hand strengthened.

He could hear someone trying to talk at him but as hard as he furrowed his brow, no words appeared in his confused mind. So many thoughts crowded into his head, “Where am I?”, “Why is mum here?”, “What happened?” yet it couldn’t articulate any of them.

As the shadow over his face disappeared and the touch on his hand went away, Peter felt a deep sleep coming over him and relaxed into it as he feared waking up was not going to be pleasant.

What felt like only minutes of sleep could have been hours for all that Peter knew. What he did know was that the place that he was in was now dark and the voices had gone and moreover his vision had returned and he could now make out the room that he was in.

It was painfully clear to Peter now that he was in a hospital bed in a two bed room though noone was in the other bed currently. He couldn’t see a clock anywhere and couldn’t see his phone anywhere. Like most teenages, Peter didn’t bother with a watch anymore. Why would you need to when you have a clock right there on your phone? Not knowing what time it was didn’t help but it felt late, like after 11pm judging by how quiet it was outside the room. The few times Peter had been to a hospital visiting had been more noisy than this.

Peter’s first thought was to try and find out some information about why he was there as it right now he couldn’t remember a thing. As he tried to sit up he felt something tugging on his hand, pulling at his skin in a creepy fashion that he hadn’t felt before. Squinting in the dark at his arm he saw a tube coming out from under a bandage leading up to a bag of something hanging off a hook. This didn’t look good.

The only other thing Peter could think to do was to call out to someone. Surely there must be someone nearby that would hear him. “Hello?”, Peter called out. “Is someone there?”. He listened closely for the sound of someone coming but hadn’t figured on the near silent shoes that nurses wear as he was surprised when his door opened quietly and a head popped around the corner. “Is someone awake in here”, the voice called out quietly as though not to wake anyone”

“Yes”.

Peter wasn’t sure what to do now that he had manage to attrack someones attention. Would this person be able to answer his questions or just tell him to go back to sleep?

“Um, I can’t seem to remember getting here, can you tell me what’s going on?”, he asked.

“Just wait there Peter. I’ll get someone who can answer your questions”, the head replied and promptly disappeared as the door shut behind her.

“Peter?”, came a voice from the door, now opening. This was a more familiar voice and Peter could feel himself relaxing at the sound. “Mum?”.

“Oh, I’m soo glad you’re finally awake. It’s been a long wait”

“Wait? What? How long have I been here?”, Peter was now more confused that before. What on earth had happened? Surely he would have come straight here from the shops?

“Well it’s Friday night now, actually, Saturday morning really, so more than a day hunny.”, his mum began.

“Let me just send a message to your dad so he knows you’re awake, he’ll want to know”.

Peter lay there perplexed as his mum extracted her phone from her handbag and swiftly typed out a message.

“Mum, can you explain what happened? I don’t seem to remember how I got here.” Peter wasn’t really sure how much his mum knew and wasn’t about to offer up new information if he didn’t have to, yet it had to know why he was here.

“Well, not much to explain really. We got a call from the police saying you’d been in an accident and that we should come to the hospital straight away. You really had us frightened for a while. We met with the doctors when we got here and they explained about your head and how they couldn’t tell us when you would wake up and here we are.”. His mum sighed as she tilted her head at him. It’s what she did when she had some admonishing to do.

“Do you remember why you hit your head Peter?”

This was it. This was where the truth came out.

“I remember slipping and falling, that’s it” Peter tried to sound vague hoping that his mum wasn’t aware of what really happened.

“Well the Police had a bit more to say about that and when we get you home, we will have a lot more to say about that, but for now you should get some rest. I’m happy that you’re awake and the doctors will have to check on you tomorrow morning but for now, try to get some sleep”. With that his mum, left and softly shut the door behind her.

“Oh crap”, was all Peter could think to himself. They knew. The police knew. The police were there? This was bad. Really bad. He really didn’t know how he could face going home to his dad. Would he be arrested? All over a stinking game. Now he was wondering what ever possessed him to carry out his plan. It had seemed so easy at the beginning.

As soon as crazy plans began to form in his head of escaping in the middle of the night, he realized how futile they were. No matter what plan he could come up with, he could only imagine it ending up with the Police and his parents. The only option that seem to make sense was to fess up and wear the shame.

Part 3 (Conclusion)

Two days later Peter was home at last slightly worse for wear but all in one piece. He hadn’t spoken yet to his parents about the events leading up to his stay in hospital but he suspected it wasn’t going to be pleasant to say the least. He was currently lying on his bed waiting for them both to come in as promised after dinner.

Peters reflection was broken by the telltale signs of the door handle being slowly turned and the door being ever so gently opened. His curiosity was peaked as surely his parents would simple open the door. It didn’t take him long to realize that the messy fluff of hair that appeared from behind his opening door was far too low to be a parent which left only one other possiblity.

His sister. Crap. He hadn’t even thought about her since he left on that fateful night. What could she possibly want with him?

“Hey there Mr theif”, she started. He could see a wry grin on her face which told him that she wasn’t being mean but simply having fun with him.

“Hey you…”, he trailed off. Still not sure what she wanted he was going to let her do the talking.

“How’s the head?”

“Fine.” Was she here to gloat? To wallow in his misfortune? Peter was now wishing she would leave him alone so she wouldn’t be here when his parents arrived to give him a talking to. He really didn’t want her to witness that.

“What do you want sis? I’m kind of waiting for my sentence”, he was hoping she got the hint.

“Ha, sentence, I wouldn’t worry about that. Just be glad you’re not the shopping centre. They’re going to cop it”. His sister was excited about this, she really wanted to tell him something but just then he heard footsteps and around the door appeared his parents with serious looking faces. He couldn’t ask his sister anything now in case she wasn’t supposed to tell him anything.

After waiting for his sister to leave, his mother sat on the bed beside him whilst his dad just stood there looking serious.

“Son, before you get too worried we want to say that we’ve cleared everything up with the shop and returned the game that you accidently left the shop with”.

His mum spoke as if giving a prepared speech. Peter was stunned. The whole incident was dealt with? No police no nothing? That didn’t seem right and Peter was now even more worried that something worse was going to land in his lap.

“Your father and I have talked it over and whilst we understand why you did what you did we can’t say its ok. Somehow we get the feeling that you feel like you’ve suffered enough for your mistake and that perhaps this should be the end of it?”.

Peter was acutely aware of his father looking at him intently, waiting for an answer. He feared this was a test and giving the wrong answer could be really bad for him.

“Um, I think I had an unfortunate accident whilst trying to escape a bad situation which was all my own doing. Ahh, but that doesn’t negate the fact that I did something bad to start with”. Peter was all nerves and could feel sweat starting to form on his forehead. He wasn’t used to being in this kind of trouble and was having a hard time reading his parents to work out if they were super angry or just mildly miffed.

“That’s a good answer Peter”, his dad answered now. “I think you’ve learnt your lesson but we can’t let this go by without some punishment.  Before I tell you what that punishement is, I have something to show you.”

Peter’s dad walked out of his bedroom and could be heard walking down the hall way. Peter look at his mum trying to get a feeling for her mood but she was just stareing out the window with a blank expression. He didn’t have to wait long because just then his dad returned with a white paper bag. Holding up the bag so that Peter could see it is dad explained, “Now I don’t want you to think that this is some kind of reward for bad behaviour, because it’s not”. As he said this he reached into the bag and slowly pulled out a brand new copy of Gorgoths Revenge. Peter couldn’t believe himself. His parents had gone out and bought the very game that he’d been caught trying to steal? What was going on? His confusion must have been obvious because his dad continued, “This is not for you now. This game will be yours after you have completed your punishment. That punishment is for you to have no computer games for three months. I know that might sound harsh but I want you to realize that we do understand what led to your lapse in judgement. It’s not your fault the game was re-rated and from the reviews that we’ve read whilst you’ve been in hospital, this game doesn’t appear to be any worse that the first game.” His dad paused to take a breath

“That being said, you still did the wrong thing and therefore we think you shoudl be deprived of games for the next three months. We will pack up your console and hide it somewhere. We have also informed all of your friends parents so that they will keep an eye on you if you are visiting somewhere. We do expect you to complete this without complaint and if you do then you will get this game here in my hand. “

Peter was dumbfounded. Sure he was being punished but somehow he felt that the game dangling before his very eyes was enough to keep him on the straight and narrow. Perhaps that was the point. As he was thinking about the next three months his mum stood up and they both headed for the door. Just before leaving his mum spoke, “We both think it would be good for you to have goals and work towards them. So whilst this is a punishment, think of it more like a life lesson. Sometimes, if you want something you have to earn it rather than looking for the easy way out. How does that sound”

“Mum, dad, I realize now what great parents I have and how good you’ve handled this. I’m going to be so focussed for the next three months that you won’t even know me.” Peter hoped he sounded confident because he sure felt it. Perhaps this was going to be a new beginning for him.

As the door closed and silence once again filled the room, Peter started to think about what he had learned and smile came to his face. He was about how the game didn’t seem so important now and the next three months seemed full of potential.

The End

© Shorefront 2014

Introduction

Welcome to my blog. Before you get the wrong end of the stick, let me start out by saying this blogs purpose is to let me learn to write stories. It is not intended to be an instructional blog teaching you, but hey perhaps you can follow along and learn as I do. I want to learn to tell a good story and having previously tried this my approach this time is to write small write often. Previous attempts have been around big grandiose ideas and never got more than the first few pages.

This blog will hopefully become a proving ground for writing complete albeit short stories that are thematically interesting whilst hopefully not too hard to write.

I hope you enjoy reading what I've written and comment as I go along as well.